CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CHRISTMAS SONG EVER!
One of my all-time favorite Christmas carols is O Holy Night…has been for as far back as I can remember. This song effects me like no other. Though I know all the words, I’ve NEVER been able to sing it all the way through, not even an entire stanza, because I get so choked up that I can’t make a sound…all I can produce is TEARS. For some reason, this song transports me into what feels like the very Presence of God…and I just CRUMBLE into NOTHING. Why? I think I know…
My parents said my obsession with horses began while I was still an infant. I was only a few months old when I pitched a fit to ride a mechanical horse in front of the grocery store. My dad put in his change, held me atop the ‘horsie’ and said it was almost like I went into a trance, for the duration of the ride. When the ride stopped, I began screaming again, “Horsie! HORRRRRRSIEEEEEE!” So he put me back on, I went into that ‘trance,’ and the whole process was repeated…until my dad ran out of change…the consequential separation between me and ‘horsie,’ of which led to a VERY unpleasant trip to the grocery store following. And my subsequent obsession with horses was very similar to that for the rest of my childhood. Though I’ve learned to control my emotional responses much better with age, separation from horses still causes me similar anxiety and distress.
I was 5 years old when I had my first Christmas without my dad. He was in the Air Force and was stationed in Korea for about a year and a half while my mom and I stayed home in Florida. When my dad left us, I was DEVASTATED, as he was my most FAVORITE person in the whole wide world. Christmas without him, was harder still. His Christmas present to us that year was, in part, an audio tape which he said he wanted us to keep and not play until Christmas Eve. But BEFORE I knew that there WAS a recording…
It was Christmas Eve. My favorite Aunt and Uncle (Aunt Bunch and Uncle Harry) and my grandmother had come to spend Christmas with us. Considering that this might be a difficult Christmas for me, my family determined to get me a Christmas gift that would be very special. Though I’m sure I got lots of other presents that year, the only one I remember now, was the rocking horse…my very own. His name was…what ELSE?!…TRIGGER. We set him out on the front porch with the door open, so I could ride my horse and still hear the family festivities and Christmas music from inside. (It was FLORIDA. Christmas in Orlando is like a spring day in SC.) I was HEARTBROKEN that my dad wasn’t there with us. I sat on my new horse on our front porch and rode and rode and rode in that familiar trance-like state…just feeling the rhythmic movement of my horse and listening to Christmas songs from in the house. I wanted to feel excited about Christmas, but it was so hard without my dad there. So I prayed for a Christmas miracle…that Santa would bring my dad HOME to ME for Christmas. The song, O Holy Night, was playing on a record from inside the house as I prayed that prayer. Partly because I wanted my Dad so desperately, and partly because of the sheer beauty of the song, I started sobbing quietly to myself as I bobbed up and down, back and forth, on my new equine friend. When the song ended, my uncle told me to come in the house for a few minutes…he had a very special present to share with us. I remember thinking, “if it’s not my dad, I don’t really CARE.” (I might have even said that out loud), but I dried my eyes and dismounted my horse and went inside.
We had this gigantic reel to reel tape player that belonged to my dad (he loved to fidget with electronic gadgets) and my uncle had us all sit down and he started the tape. It was my DAD. I don’t even remember much of what he said on that tape, except that he missed us more than we missed him (HOW could THAT be?!). I just remember being mesmerized and oh so comforted, by the mere sound of his voice. It was ALMOST as if God HAD heard and answered my prayer…ALMOST…and I started crying again. I cried through the whole thing. My mom was concerned about me crying and asked me afterward why I was crying. I told her that all I really wanted for Christmas was my daddy. I remember her holding me and rocking me as I cried, and assuring me that she missed him too, and that he missed us as well. But because he was in the service, he had to go to such far-away places so he could help protect our home here in America, because he not only loved his family but his country too. She assured me that God HAD answered my prayer…as best He could under the circumstances…with the blessing of being able to hear my dad’s voice on that tape. I made my mom PROMISE me he would come home when his job there was done, and she did. And we listened to the tape again. And we ALL cried.
Of course, way back then, at 5 years old, I had no concept of my MOM’S pain at being without my dad, much less whatever fears and concerns that SHE may have been quietly dealing with in her own heart (knowing full well that SOME soldiers who served in the service overseas did NOT come home). In spite of her own feelings, she did her best to comfort me and assure me that all would be well in the end. So I did understand that indeed, listening to my Dad’s voice on that tape WAS God’s answer to my prayer, and God’s way of offering me comfort, in my dad’s absence. With my mom’s and God’s assurances on that very special Christmas Eve, I was able to enjoy the remainder of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my family without sadness and fear.
That turned out to be one of the most memorable Christmases of my childhood. There would be others, for sure, but this was the FIRST…and the first time I remember having a genuine personal experience with a PERSONAL God. Now I understand as an adult, why, whenever I hear that song, the overwhelming emotion of that special Christmas Eve comes flooding back into my psyche, and I am as overwhelmed with emotion every time I hear it today, as I was that first night so many years ago.
I still often think about so many other military families who’ve had to spend Christmas without their loved ones…sadly, many of which may have lost their loved ones forever, while they served in far away lands to protect their homeland and families. I think of them every Christmas Eve, and utter prayers for them and their families, and thank God for all they do on our behalf here at home. And I thank God for having had such a wonderful dad, myself, who gave me so much throughout the course of my life. Later in my life, he went on to be a father to my fatherless daughter, who sadly, I don’t think, ever really fully appreciated the blessing she had in having my father so deeply involved in her life.
December 21 was my dad’s birthday. He would have been 93 years old. He had more impact on me than probably any other person in my life. And in that first reluctant absence from his beloved family at Christmas so long ago, the emotion stirred within me by my passionate love for him, pointed me toward the beginning of a relationship with ANOTHER very special Father…as he would many, many more times throughout my life).
So, why does the familiar Christmas carol, O Holy Night, reduce me…in a matter of mere moments…into a blubbering baby? Now you know. O Holy Night will FOREVER be the most special Christmas carol ever sung…to ME. What’s YOUR favorite Christmas song, and why?
May each and every one who reads this today (and even those who don’t!) have a very special and wonderful Christmas, in 2010.
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Thank you for sharing your comforting words and link to beautiful song. This is our 6 year old grandson’s first Christmas without his Dad, and we’re all missing our son-in-law whose stationed overseas this Christmas. Light and Love to the world
Thanks for sharing this Donna.
Intelligncee and simplicity – easy to understand how you think.
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God, I feel like I shloud be takin notes! Great work
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