Does it seem to you that time is passing by unusually slow on this blog?

Why is focus such an elusive thing to me? Why do I find it so difficult to concentrate on just one thing at a time, and finish everything that I start. It seems my whole life is just one long series of starts and stops and turns. I am so pitifully, miserably, easily distracted. I have a gluttonous mind. I get bored very easily. What I want two weeks from today may be totally opposite of what I want today. Sometimes I feel like a feather in the wind…no definitive direction, no control, no purpose. A feather’s purpose is to protect a bird from the elements and to enable flight and controlled landings. But once separated from the bird, it’s just a pretty, wispy thing floating around in the air.

I remember when I was visiting Spring Mill State Park with a friend earlier this year, at times the air was so filled with wispy, feathery white seeds that it almost looked like snow. It was almost as if the air was charged with a sort of magical quality. But though they looked like feathers, and were carried about like feathers, they weren’t really feathers, but seeds.

I hate stagnation. Give me a babbling brook or a roaring waterfall any day, over a placid lake. The glassy top of a peaceful lake is a beautiful thing to behold, I just don’t feel like I have a lot in common with it…I feel much more attuned to water that is in constant motion. FRESH water. The ocean is okay, but I need more trees and grass and hills…and LIGHT, CLEAN air. The ocean’s salt is too heavy. I’m drawn to green, misty mountains, not flat, sandy, salty beaches and expansive horizons of sameness.

I hate day in and day out SAMEness. There is a part of me I think, that actually longs for the stability of sameness, while at the same time is bored to tears with it…resulting in an almost constant state of restlessness. I’m a walking, talking in-the-flesh paradox…a constant contradiction. So much so that at times, I often find it quite difficult to live with myself.

So am I a seed or a disconnected feather? Actually, the seed is disconnected too, the major difference being that the disconnectedness of the seed has a purpose and the disconnectedness of the feather does not. I guess I’m neither a seed nor a feather…just an old lady who needs to go to bed…

I have had moments here and there over the past few days where I perhaps COULD have written something, but was simply too exhausted to try. I felt too drained to come up with anything creative, valid, significant, etc., much less come up with an accompanying image. Contemplating this dilemma led to the following internal dialog on the subject of significance. Since I felt the ‘significance’ of the subsequent revelation was…uh…significant, I hereby take the lazy way out and make this interesting internal dialog today’s post:

“There’s nothing to say.”

“There’s ALWAYS something to say.”

“No. There’s NOT. Really.”

“Then why are you still talking?”

“Okay, I mean I’ve nothing SIGNIFICANT to say.”

“EVERYthing you say is significant.”

“Huh?”

“Words have creative power. They create pictures in the mind, they stir emotions. They can validate or destroy. Words create our realities and contribute greatly to the realities of others. You KNOW this.”

“Wonderful. So now I’m reminded that it’s really that much MORE important that I say something significant.”

“EVERYthing you say is significant.”

“What if I just don’t FEEL like saying ANYthing at all?”

“The voice of silence can be louder than words.
Silence is significant.
Everything is significant.
Sometimes, what you HEAR when there’s nothing to hear is even more significant that what hasn’t been said.
Sometimes, even nothing is significant.”

Look closely at today’s image. There’s something very ‘significant’ in the picture that can be easily overlooked. Do you see it?

I wonder what it would be like to fly through the air and be carried by the winds to new places unknown. I wonder what it would be like to just enjoy this one moment…no memory of yesterday, no worries of tomorrow. I wonder what it would be like to be content to simply be what I was created to be…nothing more, nothing less…

(Click on the preview above to pull up a full view of the picture.)

(Click on the preview above to pull up a full view of the picture.)